Acquired Taste
Unique, complex flavor
I find it really sad that there are so many people that never get to truly understand acquired taste and complex flavors. There is so much complexity in quality spirits, it is unrivaled. Coffee is probably the best comparison if you look into different brewing methods and more floral beans, but still miles behind.
I have more than 250 bottles of liquor at home because I enjoy variety of choice and experimenting here and there, but I frequently go for weeks without drinking at all and without feeling any dependence. If I drink, most of the time it actually annoys me that there is alcohol in it, because it means I cannot drive anymore afterwards (no compromises there, not even a single beer). In 95% of the cases I actually do drink, I sip for 1-2 hours on a single cocktail/whisky/rum, just to enjoy the taste.
Drinking for different reasons
You may not understand it, but yes, there are people who just like the flavors that you cannot get anywhere else. I think it is exactly the opposite to your claim - if you could create a single malt whisky with 100% identical flavor profile but no alcohol in it, you would be a multimillionaire in no time.
But yet not only are people willing to consume the alcoholic version, they strongly prefer it such that sales are essentially negligible.
Because it does not taste the same. Alcohol extracts flavors and amplifies them. In addition, the “bite” is also part of the story just like the spiceyness with capsaicin oils.
it compares favorably enough to some of the less “classy” stuff
I rather drink not at all than some of the “less classy stuff”. However, I agree that your analysis is probably correct for people who do consume the “less classy stuff”. These are not the same people who buy Single Malt Whisky though.
People won’t regularly drink without the alcohol.
I was not talking about regular drinkers. You just neglect the entire possibility that there are differences in drinking behavior and that some people are able to consume in moderation because they actually enjoy the taste.